Feature Friday with Rowyn Mottershead

Happy Friday! Any plans this weekend? Middle kiddo R started school today (yay!), something we’ve been hoping would be able to happen for a while now. His brother and sister are already enrolled in school and he was feeling a little left out, so we’re all thrilled he’ll be able to finally go now, too.

Today’s Feature Friday is a special one. Rowyn has a beautiful, important story to share, and his words on life, love, and self-acceptance ring true no matter what stage of life you’re in. We loved getting to know Rowyn and we think you will, too. See what we mean below…

On the beauty of a road trip: My favourite place I have travelled to is Colorado, it was on a road trip with my fiancé last year. He is American and I am British so it blew my mind to see the vast land and untouched beauty of the states. We drove through Arkansas, Oklahoma, New Mexico and Colorado, each state with it own unique character and landmarks. I’ll never forget it and it motivates me to move out to the USA once I am married to my partner.

On a fortunate upbringing: I grew up in a small market town in the south of England. The area is conservative in attitudes but with accepting values, I didn’t know any LGBT people growing up but still I knew my family would love me regardless of my identity. I had a privileged middle-class upbringing and I’m thankful for the education and opportunities it brought me. I picked up learning piano and bass guitar when I was 10 years old and went on to pour all my energy into creative outlets. Most of my family were never concerned at this unconventional artistic focus and encouraged me to improve my music, art, food, films, whatever took my fancy. This lead me to where I am today in my multi-disciplined career as a musician, filmmaker and professional chef.

On the influence of family to succeed: I come from an accomplished family so that made me very ambitious, my grandfather is a world-renowned theatre engineer and choir singer and he made it clear to me that I should always follow my passion and drive to find success rather than following money. Growing up with the expectation to succeed used to scare me a lot but now it fuels the confidence I have in my abilities. I had access to instruments and equipment that meant I had the building blocks for my skills from a young age, again I have privilege to thank for this.

“Correcting people can be exhausting and unrewarding work, so really I also learnt that the people who really care about you the most, will do that emotional labour on your behalf…”

On an unexpected, impressive skill: I learnt to solve Rubik’s cubes when I was 12 years old, I can now solve a 5x5x5 cube in 10 minutes and a 3x3x3 cube in less than 2 minutes. In the past I have won bets on the basis of this skill because people tend not to believe me when I tell them I can do this! Never underestimate the power of someone with good memory and good dexterity!

On what he loves about himself: My patience and dedication to any cause I care about. I’ve always gotten satisfaction out of a good job done well, as well as excelling people’s expectations. I can multitask and keep track of my work so that I don’t get overwhelmed, which is a very useful skill in the kitchen at my job as a full time sushi chef! I love that I have a job that I’m very good at and that I enjoy very much. On a physical level, I love my naturally honey coloured hair :)

On what brings him joy in life: Wow there are so many possible answers for this. My passions that I have worked on the longest is my songwriting. I have explored myself and my life through lyrics and melody for nearly 20 years and it’s an incredibly important part of my life. I also find a lot of happiness in activities dancing, skating, swimming and hiking, as well of course as spending time with my fiancé, Liam. My three pet rats would also be high on that list!

On being open to who he is: I came out as transgender in 2013 when I was 16 years old, I had left school and met new friends at college so I transitioned smoothly into a masculine role at that time. However I found myself coming out again at 22 as a gay man, as I had found myself for the last 6 years being viewed as a bisexual androgynous mystery. I wanted to clarify how I felt but I felt some level of shame being both a ‘failed woman’ as a trans man and a ‘failed man’ as a gay man. I’m still working on this internalised homophobia and cisnormativity and I’m glad to be finally open about who I am.

On the importance of support: My family are very close and never stopped loving me or viewed me any differently. The adjustment to my new name and pronouns however took years for some people, especially my Dad, but they never stopped me from doing what I wanted. 7 years into my life as Rowyn, I think they recognise that this was the best decision for me, and we have never looked back. Most of the other people in my life these days have no idea who I was before I transitioned, and I would like to keep it that way. I faced some criticism in 2013 because transgenderism was not mainstream knowledge as it is today, I spent a lot of time educating people and explaining that no, this is not just because I wear my hair short and don’t like skirts, it’s a lot deeper than that.

On a learned lesson: I learnt that gender and sexuality is not straightforward, that it can be felt and perceived in many different ways. I had people close to me say that they will always view me as female and I had people I barely knew saying they had always felt a male energy from me. I had people assume I would fall in love with a woman and people assume that I had no sexual desires at all. I learnt that coming out is something you have to do over and over again, especially as a trans person who gets misgendered. Correcting people can be exhausting and unrewarding work, so really I also learnt that the people who really care about you the most, will do that emotional labour on your behalf, correcting friends and family in private to make your life easier.

On his advice to today’s LGBTQ youth: I would say it is impossible to live your life on other people’s terms. Even if your family struggle to understand or accept your identity, you will only find happiness by being true to yourself. There are so many people out there who will love you exactly the way you are so if those people aren’t surrounding you, do your best to move into spaces where you will be supported. The people that mind don’t matter and the people that matter don’t mind. Obviously some people don’t have the opportunity to escape certain situations, but you can always reach out online to find like-minded people and realise you are not alone and you are not ‘freakish’, you are just your own variety of normal, and that is beautiful :)

“Life gets good when you stop waiting for the right time and seize the moment”

On the decision to finally start living life the way he wanted: Medical transition felt like a deep dark well of impossibility for many years. When I was 16 my parents decided I was too young for it and told me to wait until I was ‘ready’... well I felt I was ready at 16... so I then spent years waiting for anything to cement itself further so I could take the next step. But nothing changed, I went to university, continued living with physical discomfort and daily misgendering. I lost track of my mental health, slipped into an unhealthy relationship, somehow graduated on time at 21 and realised that I was still no closer to hormones and surgery and being ‘male’ then I was 5 years ago. At this point I decided to pay for private treatment so I could finally start living my life and overcome this burden of dysphoria. I’m so glad I did this and finally took control of my life. I had top surgery 6 months ago (at great expense) and the pay-off of anticipation was so worth it. Just being able to feel the fabric of a shirt on my back and the flatness of my chest feels like overcoming the biggest obstacle I have ever faced.

On his biggest inspirations: In my daily life- my fiancé Liam [is my biggest inspiration]. He has incredible physical and mental stamina, he can run many miles at a time and write thousands of words in one sitting, and always has energy spare to shower me in love. In my professional life- my friend and collaborator Fox Fisher who has worked tirelessly over the past 8 years to make their content by and for the trans community. And in my musical life- singer/songwriter Orla Gartland who I have been following on YouTube for about 10 years. She is roughly the same age as me and has written countless incredible songs about very raw emotional experiences. Seeing us both grow as musicians over the years has brought me a lot pride and strength.

On looking forward to the future: Married to Liam and probably living in the state of Arkansas where Liam is from. I hope to be running my own kitchen with a sustainable and vegetarian menu. I hope to be living on a homestead where we grow our own food and keep our own livestock. I hope to have employees that care as much about the food and the planet as I do. I hope to have time in the evenings to play music with my husband and laugh with friends. I hope to have some cute pets, as a stepping stone to starting my own family with Liam. Above all of course, I hope to be happy.

On the power of believing in yourself: Life gets good when you stop waiting for the right time and seize the moment; whether it be proposing to the man of your dreams, furthering your skill set, taking small steps to fulfil your personal goals, or just taking a walk outside in the sunshine. Whatever you do to make a moment your own will be meaningful, will be something to look back on and be proud of. From being a confused depressed teenager to being an accomplished chef with a future husband and a transitioned body, only took a few years of hard work and positive thinking, and all it /really/ took was the belief in myself to succeed.