A Clean House = A Happier Husband
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Even after six years of marriage, and over 11 years of being together, it’s always fun (interesting?) to learn something new about your husband.
Such was the case yesterday. To start off, our house is not the tidiest. Or the cleanest. Regardless of what you may or may not see on social media, our house lately looks like a tornado went through it. Despite my best efforts, I’m finding it harder to keep it clean on a day to day basis. It feels like the second I get one room semi-cleaned, it gets trashed again within minutes. Maybe even seconds.
Even when our house is technically clean, there is still stuff everywhere. Just stuff. Papers, mail, boxes, little toys here and there, paperclips, cups, books, magazines, etc. No one would ever accuse us of being minimalists, and I actually don’t mind the look of clutter in a controlled sense, but it has gotten out of hand lately, and we’ve both felt overwhelmed by the state of our house the last few months.
So yesterday after a somewhat heated discussion, and a resolution to do better, PJ decided to do something about it: as I prepared dinner, he went through the ENTIRE house and cleaned. He threw away a ton of trash, washed couch cushions, organized stacks of papers, rearranged items that have been in the same place for months (that never should have been there in the first place), put toys away, cleaned our desk that has been a mess for a while now, and deep cleaned our bathroom (even behind the toilet!). Phew. I’m getting exhausted just writing all of that.
PJ is a machine. If you’ve been here a while, you know that when he sets his mind to something, he does it, and he does it quickly. I’m a little slower (read: a lot slower) in that department, and it usually takes me a while to finish cleaning. I get distracted and off task easily, so while my intentions are good, it just takes me a bit longer to reach my goal. Thank goodness we have each other, right? 😂
Anyway, while cleaning, PJ shared with me why he gets so frustrated when the house is a wreck. It’s no secret that he has anxiety; PJ’s been very open about his struggles and has even discussed it in a few of our YouTube videos. He informed me that, a lot of times, a messy environment affects people with anxiety because, at least in his case, he needs a certain amount of control in his life in order to feel safe, to feel normal, and when the house is messy, there’s no sense of control. Everything is all over the place and it causes his anxiety to heighten, leaving him upset and, in many ways, disoriented.
In a blog post for the site Scary Mommy, Wendy Wisner, who has an anxiety disorder, shares that, “Cleaning up clutter is not just another thing on the to-do list like packing my kids’ lunches, changing the car’s oil, or making my next dentist appointment. It’s a full-on ragey kind of panic.”
She explains further, “It’s the feeling that I literally can’t breathe with all the clutter that’s filling our house. It’s a feeling that the world is a chaotic place that I can’t control, and all of that chaos is represented by the loud, unruly, angsty wreck that is my living room.”
It’s proven that the state of your home, or really any of environment, has a profound affect on your overall mood, for better or for worse. A home that is in disarray can cause you to “feel mentally overloaded, drained or lacking control- unpleasant sensations that are all too familiar to people living with anxiety,” says a recent article on HuffPost.com.
The article quotes Kim Strong, a licensed clinical social worker at Wellspace SF: “For many people, their home is a sanctuary away from the overstimulation of the world and its daily operations. A messy or disorganized environment at home can be a tangible reminder of this chaos and may cause a feeling of being out of control or anxious. Looking around at a messy room can be a reminder of a long to-do list, unfinished tasks or, in general, can make moving around and finding things one needs more difficult.”
The few hours PJ spent cleaning last night weren’t just good for the look and functionality of our home, but for his mental health as well. I feel sad to say I never knew that about him until now. I never knew that, when our house is unorganized and messy, it causes his anxiety to rise and go into overdrive. We talked last night and he shared with me his tolerance level when it comes to how disorderly the house can get before his anxiety kicks in, and we both agreed to work harder at it. Our preferences might be different, but the goal of us both having a healthy mental state, and doing whatever it takes to achieve that, is the same.
Marriage, and life in general, is about working together towards a common goal, listening to the other person and taking in, really taking in, what they have to say, and making the appropriate changes if needed. After six years of marriage and over 11 years of being together, it’s always fun and interesting to learn something new about your husband.
Especially when it helps him lead a happier life.
