How I Really Feel About Living on a Farm

“What am I doing?”

This is a common question I ask myself out at the farm. I’m so out of my element here. I grew up in the middle of town (in the house we live in now, actually) so far from any kind of farm experience, and to be honest, I liked it that way. I had no interest in visiting or spending any amount of time on a farm, let alone live on one. The only “farm” I did go to when I was young was my grandma’s and it wasn’t even an actual farm- it was just a lot of acres.

Meanwhile, PJ grew up on a farm and spent every waking minute outside with his sister and cousins running around the pastures, swimming and playing in the creeks, climbing trees, and accruing just about every animal that has ever walked the earth. We couldn’t be more different in that regard.

So PJ, obviously, is very much in his element out here. He spends all day outside working on the land or taking care of the animals and it’s total bliss for him. Nature restores and relaxes him. It’s his happy place; a place he can be free to do whatever his creative mind and big heart desires. I’ve mentioned before how he always has to be doing something, and on a farm with a never-ending to do list, there’s always something for him to do.

On any given day, PJ could be burning brush, mowing the fields with his tractor and/or lawn mower (two machines he is obsessed with and for good reason: I drove the zero-turn mower a few weeks and that thing is so fun!), cleaning up the yard and trimming the trees, demoing the inside of Holiday House, installing lights, tending to the sheep and the geese, and calling a million contractors (who have been extremely difficult to deal with lately but that’s a story for a different day) to work on bigger jobs like building the fences and the ponds. My fingers are exhausted from typing all of that. I can’t imagine how he feels.

The crazy thing is, as he’s told me before: it’s not really even work to him. I mean it is, but it’s not. He enjoys it so much that I don’t think he considers it a chore or a burden that weighs him down, it’s just part of starting a farm and he isn’t (and has never been) afraid of putting in the elbow grease required to achieve his dreams.

Then enter me. For reasons mentioned above as to why I feel I am out of my element at OF (Ocoee Farm), I know absolutely nothing about starting a farm or caring for farm animals. I have read articles online about it and watched a few documentaries that inspired the hell out of us to actually do this thing, but I think I’ve determined I’m going to have to learn the old fashioned way: by experience. And of course, from PJ. I learn so much from him on a daily basis about the mechanics and workings of everything out here. He knows so much about so much (he swears he doesn’t but don’t believe him) that I never get tired of learning from him. Ever.

Though I feel out of place at the farm, I will be the first to admit, I love being here. I love living at our farm. I love the freedom and the space and the hills and the mountain (oh my god the mountain!) that is always watching over us from high above. I always thought I would hate living so far from town but I haven’t minded it one bit since we’ve been spending more time here. Now, that could change once school starts for the boys in the fall (and we have to drive 30 min just for school, which we may not even entertain that idea), but for now I am content; smitten even, with how far away from the outside world we feel. 

PJ’s mom and my mom keep checking in with me to see if I really do like it out here. They both admit they knew PJ would love it, but had their doubts about how I would feel not being in town anymore. They were relieved and maybe even a little shocked when I told them I was completely happy at the farm, and to be honest, I think I was a little surprised by how much I enjoy it out here, too.

All five of us just seem to function better at the farm. The kids have so much space to run and play and explore, and they’re so tired (and dirty) at the end of the day that they have no problem falling asleep at bedtime. And then there’s no need to go into anymore detail about PJ because you already know he is in heaven out here, so then that leaves me, and y’all, I am loving the new experiences that seem to happen daily at Ocoee Farm, for example, the other night I helped milk a goat (!) for the first time in my life. It was wild and different and beautiful and weird but the thing that made it so great was that I did it with PJ. Just the two of us and that beautiful, innocent animal. It’s hard to explain, but it was an intimate moment that I never would have gotten in town, and I’m feeling extra grateful for OF and for PJ today.

So after spending more than a month out here at Ocoee Farm and Holiday House, I’ve come to the conclusion that I know exactly what I’m doing here, even if I don’t always know how to do it. No, wait, that doesn’t make sense. Basically, I love it here because, well, I do, and my family does, and I’m 100% sure this is exactly where we’re all supposed to be right now.

This is our future, and I think it’s going to be a wild and different and beautiful and weird and great future for all of us.