How to Say I Love You Without Words

It all started at the grocery store. It was late. We had been driving for seven hours. We were tired. Needless to say, we did not want to be there.

We made the drive down to the beach last week, which was thankfully a relatively eventless car ride. But even still, after driving all day, the last thing we wanted to do was go to the grocery store that night. We didn’t have things we needed like cereal for breakfast in the morning, toothpaste, coffee and creamer, so we stopped at the nearby Publix that we’ve come to know and love to grab a few things.

I was irritable. PJ was irritable. I think we may have even snapped at each other a few times on the way there because we were both so tired and would rather be doing literally anything else, like sleeping, mostly. It was one of those times when everything gets on your nerves, no matter the intention behind it. I had no patience for anything, which means that anyone was fair game to annoy me, and the closest person to me besides our kids was PJ. We’re all human aren’t we?

Besides being tired and frustrated, we were also hungry. We didn’t eat dinner because we just wanted to hurry up and get there, so that was the number one thing on the to-do list. I have a reputation of getting hangry, so I am partly blaming my mood on that.

PJ got in line at the deli counter while the kids and I grabbed a shopping cart and got the necessities. 15 minutes and a whole lot of huffing and puffing later, we were in the checkout line ready to get the hell out of there.

As we were all loading the items onto the checkout belt, PJ held up a specific face scrub he loves and asked why it was in there. I told him I knew we didn’t bring it from home and that he would want some here for the next week, so I grabbed it real quick. He quietly thanked me, a slight smile forming across his face as he loaded the rest of the items to be checked out.

I may have been annoyed at everything, but I still knew he would appreciate his face scrub, especially after a long day in the car.

When we got to the condo, we put the groceries away and sat down to eat. PJ had gotten us both subs from the deli. “Get me whatever you get” I told him as he got in line at the deli counter and as I raced off with the kids to the cereal aisle, too tired and delirious to make any important decisions like what to put on a sub. So he did, and they smelled amazing.

When I asked which sub he wanted or if it mattered, he said mine was the one with lettuce and tomato (he doesn’t like either on his sandwiches). I stopped, my face noticeably surprised. “You got me lettuce and tomato?!” I asked. He smiled. “Well, yeah” he said, as if it was a no-brainer. As if there was no world in which he wasn’t going to get mine with lettuce and tomato. My heart swelled. That’s the man I married.

In that moment I could feel his love, and it felt like your favorite sweater that feels familiar, warm and safe. I realized we both performed small signs of love that neither of us thought anything of, but that both of us felt gratitude for. Of course I got his favorite face wash because what else would he wash his face with? And of course he got my sub with lettuce and tomato because they always make a sandwich so much better.

The fact that we were both annoyed with each other in the moment but still did what we knew would bring the other joy is, to me, the very definition of unconditional love. I felt so very appreciated, so very taken care of. I was tired, I was hungry, and it’s like, when I unwrapped that sandwich, all of that suddenly went out the window. It’s funny how the tiniest things can completely change the course of your day.

There are so many ways to say “I love you” without saying words. And sometimes, that’s when you hear it the loudest.