Holding Onto These Little Moments While They're Still Little

The other day PJ, Anna and I were walking to pick the boys up from school when it suddenly hit me: pretty soon, it’ll just be me and PJ picking everyone up. Anna will be joining her boys in school in just a few weeks.

I have been so bad about living in the moment for the last few years. My mind races 24/7 thinking about all the things that have to be done or things I forgot to do, and I struggle to stay present. In the age of social media and constant notifications, is it possible for anyone to ever be truly present?

Because of this sudden realization, I am doing my best to be here, be present, and pay attention to my family more than ever. I’m honing in on the little things and zooming in on the details of every day life, which has always been my favorite part of life anyway.

Take the other day for example. As we were walking to the boys’ school, and Anna was holding my hand, I was taking mental pictures in my head. And then, so I could look back on how little she was when she’s older, I took a real picture of her tiny hand in mine. Sometimes she is so four that I want to scream, but most times, she is so four and tiny and perfect that I don’t ever want her to get older. I want her to be so for forever so that she can always hold my hand while we walk to school or the park or the grocery store. I want to be able to pick her up and feel her whole self in my arms. I’m not ready for her to grow one second older.

At the same time, I’m so excited to see the person she will grow up to be, so it’s all part of the back and forth and up and down of parenting, isn’t it?

When we got to school, the double doors opened and the boys came running out towards us, holding onto their backpacks and trying not to trip over their own feet. It was so cute, almost like something out of a movie.

Again, I revert back to the “wanting them to stay this age forever” mentality while simultaneously looking forward to them to be teenagers and then older enough to share a bottle of wine with.

I think, in short, I'm excited to share all parts of life with them at every age. But I know they will be old longer than they will be young, so soaking in these little moments while they’re still little feels like the most important thing right now.

And that’s just what I’m doing.