Do You Agree with Your Spouse Politically?

Is that too personal to ask?

I feel like it didn’t used to be. Or maybe it did? Regardless, a conversation we were having with our neighbor the other day got me thinking.

We were discussing the election (which is a recurring topic almost every day lately- only 8 more days!) with her and she mentioned how her partner’s political views are completely different than hers: she is liberal and he is more conservative. For some reason, during this entire election and the months leading up to it, the thought of potentially disagreeing with my significant other, on top of having to deal with everything else that’s currently going on in the world, seems like the last thing I would need on my plate.

Obviously, everyone is different and you just roll with the punches. PJ and I are fortunate that we 100% agree with each other politically (Biden/Harris 2020!). Though, this is not a given- the two of us have completely different personalities and disagree on so many things. Daily. But thankfully, this is one thing we don’t have to worry about butting heads on. We have only started taking a serious interest in politics in the last few years, so it’s kind of a journey we’ve experienced together, deciding and solidifying what our beliefs and morals are, and who we ultimately want to vote for.

So, if it isn’t too personal, and if you’re up for it, I’m so curious: do you and your significant other agree with each other’s political views? Or do you have completely different beliefs? I’d love to hear!

PS: VOTE VOTE VOTE

On Using the Word “Partner”

When we first started dating, we couldn’t wait to start using the word boyfriend to describe ourselves, especially Thomas. After going years with never having one, he finally had a boyfriend. Not just a boy who was a friend, but a real, live boy who wanted to be MORE than friends. An actual boyfriend, people!

For the next four years until we were engaged, we referred to each other as boyfriends. When introducing one another, it was always “Hi, this is my boyfriend, PJ” and it always felt so good because we finally got to experience what everyone else got to do for years. It was almost like playing catch up, you know? 

After we got engaged, we started referring to each other as fiancé. And okay to be honest it did sound somewhat pretentious to call each other that every time we introduced ourselves but there was a certain elegance and seriousness about it, maybe even a sense of importance to us. It was taking our relationship to the next level and with that comes a new defining term.  Even though it was only 10 months, we enjoyed that short period in our relationship where we went from just boyfriends to fiancés, and then after we got married, we happily refer to each other as husbands.

But what about the word “partner”? It seems when other people talk to us, if they don’t know what our relationship status is (or they’re too embarrassed to say husband because we live in the south and that honestly happens ALL THE TIME) they will refer to us as partners. We have never called each other partners in our entire relationship, and we don’t have one definite reason why, it’s just never been how we describe ourselves. A part of us feels like that term is a “safe word” or a cover up word used to describe gay couples, mostly by straight people, either because they feel shame calling us husbands or they’re embarrassed. Who knows?

At the same time, we know there are a lot of gay couples who refer to themselves as partners. Maybe they’ve been together forever but aren’t married, so they’re life partners, or maybe they ARE married but don’t like the word husbands. We are curious about this word and it’s usage, though. It’s interesting don’t you think? Is it an age thing? Do younger or older people use it more than the other? Maybe it’s a generation thing? Or a region thing? We’d be interested in studying more about those topics to dive into this further.

When we were researching for this post, we came across this article written by a married gay man who prefers to use the term partner instead of husband. It’s an interesting read and he makes a couple of good points. Still, it isn’t enough to sway our vocabulary just yet :). And ultimately, that’s what it all comes down to! Doing whatever works for the two of you and your relationship. What other people think doesn’t and shouldn’t matter, so you do you! 

We came across a lot of articles that make a case for both words, but we are curious: which do you prefer? Do you use the term partner or husband/wife?

PS- more interesting articles on the topic:

• ‘Husband,’ ‘Partner,’ ‘Boyfriend’: What’s in a Word?

• Why do gay couples use the terms ‘husband’ and ‘wife,’ rather than ‘partner’?

• Op-ed: Boyfriends, Husbands, And The 'Partners' In Between

• There's even a Reddit thread about it here. Other than the occasional inappropriate words, it's fascinating to read through all of the different opinions.

 (Above photo by Cameron Hinkle)  

Grocery Shopping One Day

We went to Walmart yesterday like we do every Sunday. We shopped for the week and pushed the cart down the isles and debated on what we were going to make for dinner each night. I forgot to get something (like always) and had to go back to the opposite end of the store to get. 

When I found what I had forgotten, we began to check out and I stood there, watching PJ put the groceries into the bags and my mind immediately went to when I was 15 or 16.  I remember going to the store with my mom and thinking I would love to go grocery shopping one day with my future husband and walk down the isles together, not caring who sees us or who knows we're married.

We would pick out our favorite foods and talk about our to-do lists, taking turns pushing the cart. We would bag up all the groceries and load them into the back of our car together while one of us returns the cart. I think it's those little, intimate moments I always longed for the most growing up. 

I remember when PJ and I first started dating I used to wish I could fast forward time to when we were more comfortable with each other, married, and doing boring ole' husband stuff. He wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary yesterday, not at all, but to me it was extraordinary. Isn't it crazy how, when you're with the right person, bagging groceries at Walmart suddenly makes you realize your dreams have come true? Because they do, so no matter how badly you want to, don't give up hope. You never know when your own grocery boy will come in and sweep you off your feet. 

-T

Changing Our Last Names After Getting Married

One of the biggest questions we receive on a regular basis is how we decided on who’s name to take after we got married. It’s an important topic for some. To other’s, not so much (looking at you, PJ!).

Sharing a last name, much like wearing a wedding ring, changing your relationship status on Facebook, or even taking the big step and getting married, is symbol of love. A symbol to show the world that you are a family, that you’re in it for the long haul. A name is just a name, but it can mean so much more when it’s shared.

Having the same last name was important to Thomas, and like we said above, not so much to PJ. For one, PJ already has four names, so adding a fifth by hyphenating our last names would be a mouth full. For two, PJ likes his last name and never planned on changing it, really. And for three, PJ is a realtor and is known professionally around town by his first and last name, so it was also a business decision to take PJ’s last name of McKay.

Thomas was never crazy about his last name anyway, so the decision to take on PJ’s instead of just hyphenating it was fairly easy for us. And, just to be clear, Thomas still kept his original last name and just made it a second middle name. So, now he has four names just like PJ 😉. Another important thing we considered was that when we have children, we want everyone to have the same last name so there would be no confusion. That was the biggest consideration we took when deciding to finally make the change.

We talk more about changing our last name and break down the steps on how to do that, legally, in our newest YouTube video. Keep in mind that the difficulty of changing your last name can vary depending on what state you live in, so the explanation in the video below is from our perspective living here in Tennessee.

Like we said, changing your last name after getting married is just a symbol, but it sure is a powerful symbol of love, don’t you think? It’s showing the world that two men can share a life together and raise a family just like any other couple. It’s showing folks that we want the same things everyone wants. And it’s a sign of love to one another that we are in this together.

Love,

The McKays