Back to School Photoshoot

Earlier this week we did a back to school shoot for an upcoming campaign and suddenly it hit me: Pretty soon, all three kids will be at school during the day, leaving us at home to wallow in our sadness. Just kidding. Leaving us at home to get more work done than we have in the past three years is what I meant to type.

It will be bittersweet. Anna won’t spend her entire day with us anymore, but she will be getting the social interaction she so desperately craves and needs. It’ll be the two of us at home again, like it was a few years back and like it was supposed to be last year before we realized Anna wasn’t ready to start school yet and kept her home for one more year.

That’s the thing that I’ve learned about parenthood: things change in the instant. One minute they’re in diapers and you’re teaching them how to talk, the next all three of them are in school and you have the whole day to yourself. And by “day to yourself”, I mean you have the whole day to work with fewer interruptions.

We’re excited to start this next season of life. That’s the other thing about parenthood: There is always something new and different happening, and it is never, ever boring.

In fact, I think it’s about to get even more interesting.

"Fatherhood is Love" An Interview with Maria Shriver's Sunday Paper

We recently spoke with The Sunday Paper, Maria Shriver’s feel-good online publication, about fatherhood and how we got here. I love that they shed a light on the need for foster care and shared the heartbreaking statistics (over 400,000 kids are currently in the foster care system in the U.S.) to hopefully inspire more people to consider becoming foster parents.

A huge thank you to Bentley Maddox who wrote the piece and who was so thoughtful with his words. You can click here to read the entire interview, if you want!

How Many Clothes Does One Little Girl Need?

I am coming to you live from the scene of the crime.

And by scene of the crime, I mean our living room is basically a crime scene at this point. What was once a peaceful, (finally) clean room just last week is now overtaken by 4t and 5t clothes for one Miss Anna McKay.

Mounds of clothes frame out the chair and couch where I am going through all of them and seeing which ones we want to keep and which ones we want to donate. They were all generously given to us by PJ’s cousin Lauren (thank you Lauren, we love you!!!). She has two girls, though, and so we were given double the clothes all at once, which means right now we have to decide which we be a good fit for Anna and which ones we want to give away. She can’t keep all of these! We only have so much space!

This year we have really committed to getting rid of a ton of stuff that we just don’t use and/or need anymore. PJ’s been great about it and I am on board, too, it’s just been hard to find the time to actually do it. And our house desperately needs it, considering it looks like this half the time:

But yesterday was one of those perfect days where no deadlines had to be hit and it was kind of cloudy outside, and I randomly got a burst of motivation and energy to tackle the overwhelmingness that is her clothes.

So I busted out the five or six totes that had all the girls’ clothes in it and started going through them. And you know what? It feels SO GOOD to cross this off the list!! It’s something we’ve been meaning to do for so long and will go such a long way in the never-ending battle to organize our house.

I’m going back in now. Wish me luck!!

What to Actually Get Your Adult Child for Their Birthday

For my 31st birthday, my mom surprised me with an assortment of fun gifts…

I’ve come to realize as the years pass and I get older, my birthdays are starting to mean less and less. I don’t care to celebrate myself like I used to and I especially don’t care about gifts. PJ and I made a rule a few years back to start giving each other “experiences” instead of gifts, i.e. let’s just go on a trip that will be fun for everyone instead of a one-off present. It’s worked out well so far.

My mom, on the other hand, loves getting people gifts and will most likely always give her adult children something to open on their birthdays. Which brings us to the other morning when I went over to my mom’s house because she told me she had some presents for me!

I didn’t ask for anything, but somehow she knew exactly what to get me.

She basically raided the entire grocery aisle at Home Goods, which just so happens to be my favorite aisle. I tell PJ all the time how I could spend hours in that aisle looking at all the things that I certainly don’t need but want nonetheless. But the funny thing is I’ve never relayed that sentiment to her. Crazy how moms just know sometimes, isn’t it?

So if you’re looking for something to get your adult child, but aren’t sure what they want and don’t want to ask them at the risk of ruining the surprise, may I suggest the following:

• Jars of marinara and pasta sauce, and a small thing of pesto

• A fun, differently shaped pasta

• New shampoo and conditioner that smells so fresh and so clean

• Coffee

• A book for parents who do too much

• A book about writing

• Linen pants they can stay cool in all summer long

• And of course, a pack of beef jerkey

So there you have it! A bunch of random gifts that somehow add up to just about the best thing I could have ever (not) asked for.

The Wonder Years

I often wonder how they’ll think about this time in their lives when they’re older.

PJ mentioned last night how fun it is right now with the ages they are. They’re kind of just discovering what they like and don’t like, how they want to dress and present themselves to the world (or at least, to their friends in school), what they like to eat, etc. It’s a time of wonder and discovery, both for them and us. I think that sense of discovery will (hopefully) be happening for the rest of their lives, it’s just right now is so fun because they can all finally articulate it with words.

They’re all coming into their own with very distinct, different personalities.

On Saturday, the boys won their second soccer game in a row and celebrated the wins with popsicles, which I’m sure was a nice way to cool down since it was in the 80’s all weekend. I didn’t pack any sunscreen for us at the game, so PJ and I both ended up being burnt from sitting in the hot sun for over two hours. There is always a list of things to bring to each event and I seem to always forget to pack one thing on it. Go figure!

And since when did it become summer all of the sudden?

Speaking of hot weather, as it’s gotten warmer, we’ve all found ourselves spending more and more time outside. At the farm and at Getaway House, the kids sprint out of the car as soon as we park and head towards the nearest tree to climb or animal to pick up and play with. Yes, I worry about them falling off or get scraped up, but I’m telling myself to let go more and just let them be. PJ is so much better about that than I am.

I often wonder how the kids will think about this time in their lives, or if they’ll remember it at all. I know the two of us will think about it years down the road possibly as the golden years; maybe some of the best times of our lives, and I know we’ll miss this time once it’s passed.

For all the small, little frustrations that come with parenting, I’m finding the big picture to be quite beautiful.

Allan is 7!!!

Allan Lee Jasper is 7!!!

It seems crazy to type that, because I swear he was just 4 yesterday, with long hair and a smaller vocabulary. My, how time has flown by in the blink of an eye. We’ve determined, over the last few years, that time in fact means nothing anymore.

We celebrated our oldest’s birthday this past weekend, first with a trip to the Creative Discovery Museum in Chattanooga, and then with cake and presents on his actual birthday on Sunday. The kids’ grandmother, aunt and uncle all came over and it was so sweet to just celebrate our boy with family. We feel so blessed to have such a good relationship with their paternal side of the family; we know it’s not always the case so we’re extra grateful for that.

Allan is 7 and right now he loves dinosaurs, climbing trees, playing video games, reading, helping out, and playing basketball. He is a classic oldest child, always aiming to please as much as he can. He is so full of life that it’s infectious, always finding ways to spread joy to everyone he meets. 

What would we do without our big, sweet, lovable boy?

Is Dad Brain a Real Thing?

Ever since becoming parents almost three years ago, I’ve felt more scattered brained than usual.

No one would ever accuse me of being the most organized person in the world, especially before kids, but it seems like the last few years have been especially challenging when it comes to remembering little, every day things. It’s most noticeable when I am talking and I am about to say a word, literally any word, and it completely slips my mind. Poof. Gone. It takes a few moments for the word I was thinking of to come to me, and when it does, I always think to myself, why did it take me so long to remember the word “charger” or “remote”?

As the years have gone on and parenthood has become our new normal, things have gotten easier and I am less forgetful of the big things (homework, sports practices, packing waters and food, etc.), but every time I struggle on a word, it’s a glaring reminder of something I can’t help but wonder: Is dad brain a real thing?

I began to research, and after only a few clicks, I was immediately relived. Yes, dad brain is a real thing! Just like mom brain. Maybe we should just call it “parent brain”?

According to an article by Bahar Gholipour on Livescience.com, dads experience a hormonal change when they become parents. He writes, “Studies in animals and people show that new fathers experience an increase in the hormones estrogen, oxytocin, prolactin and glucocorticoids, according to a recent review of studies by psychologist Elizabeth Gould and colleagues from Princeton University.”

Hugh Wilson from daddlife.com attributed being a new dad to feeling like he was “Three drinks into a big night out, all the time. And without having had a drink.”

He put it into words. 

Not only does our brain actually change on a chemical level when we become dads, just as it does with moms, but with the added tasks of now keeping up with another human life (or in our case, three), it is easy to see how our brains can only handle so much information at a time before they just start to…forget things.

My older sister, a mom of six, always says when she feels overloaded, she has used up all of her “bandwidth” and that she has nothing left in her for the day. I resonate with that so much, and that’s exactly how I would describe how I feel at the end of each day.

In an article for The Independent, a new study shows that “Men become better at multitasking, more empathic, and more forgetful as they help raise their young child.” The more I read, the more it all started to make sense. It’s a normal part of parenthood and being a parent, and no matter if you’re a mom or a dad or anyone raising a child, maybe you’ve experienced more forgetfulness that usual, too.

So there you have it. While it may be frustrating at times, parenthood has changed me (and us) in a million more profound, important ways than just forgetting things every now and then.

I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

The Soccer Practice That Almost Didn’t Happen

We signed the boys up for soccer this year as another sport they could play in the spring, after they loved basketball this past winter (and we loved watching them). They had their second practice last night, and things didn’t start out so well.

For their first practice last week, we showed up 10 minutes late with no soccer balls, no cleats, and no shin guards. They were the only kids on the field without all of those necessities and it was one of those “Oh no, we are those parents” moments. But it’s all a learning process! Needless to say, we were more prepared this week.

We got to practice this week 10 minutes early and had everything we needed, because there’s nothing like forgetting everything the week before to make you never want to experience that feeling again. I even remembered to bring snacks and waters for everyone, and PJ brought a mat so we could sit on the grass while they practiced. Everything was great. Well, almost everything.

On the way there, Riah was super quiet and distant, looking out the window the entire time and not saying a word. We kept asking if he was okay and he just kept saying his tummy was hurting. We asked if he was nervous and he said he was, which, if I’m being honest, was hard to hear. Both PJ and I talked about how we used to get so nervous while playing sports growing up, so we knew how he felt. Big time. 

I figured he would be more relaxed once we got there and he saw all the kids on the field playing and having fun, but he wasn’t having it. He started to cry when we told him it was time to go out on the field, and he fell into my lap, wrapping his arms around my neck. I could feel my heart sink. Where was this coming from? Riah had been the one who was looking forward to soccer the most, always kicking the basketball around on the ground pretending it was a soccer ball. He loved soccer, so why was he so nervous?

After we told him he didn’t have to go out on the field and practice, we sat with him for a while before PJ suggested they kick the ball around in the grass behind us for a bit. So he, Anna and Riah began playing a little. And then a little more. And suddenly Riah was running all over the place, laughing and giving it his all and visibly having a good time. No more sick tummy!

PJ asked if he felt like going out on the field with his teammates and Riah enthusiastically told him yes. PJ had done it! He warmed Riah up, got him more relaxed, and showed him how much fun he could have if he just tried it out. So practice resumed and all was well.

Later that night, as I was tucking Riah into bed, I asked him why he thinks he felt nervous before practice. His response was honest and heartfelt.

”I just wanted alone time and everything.”

More than the other two, Riah loves to play and be alone, and quite often, he’s completely fine with doing his own thing. He likes what he likes and, what I love most, he knows what he likes and doesn’t usually stray from it. Maybe he just needed more time to process the day and get ready for practice.

So there you have it. That’s how you save a soccer practice that almost didn’t happen. Another day, another new experience with these sweet babies. It’s a learning process for us all, isn’t it?

A Fun Twist on Sunday Night Dinner

The other day, PJ had a genius idea to switch up dinner and make it more fun for the kids.

It was Sunday, nap time and all three kids were sound asleep. PJ turned and looked at me and asked what we should make for dinner (since we’re trying to eat at home more). I had taken a few chicken breasts out of the freezer and was marinating them in the fridge, but that was as far as I had gotten. Anything was game at this point.

As we were talking, we were sipping on glasses of wine and munching on charcuterie that PJ had poured straight onto the island in the kitchen. No plates, no cutting boards, nothing. Suddenly, an idea popped into his head. What if, he suggested, we turn the island into a giant charcuterie board and let the kids eat whatever they want off of it? No saying they have to eat this or they have to eat that; whatever they wanted to eat, they could pick up and take and just leave the rest. 

GENIUS.

Their favorite food group is chips and crackers. They could eat both for every meal and be just fine. So PJ included plenty of each, along with healthier options like strawberries, grapes, carrots, various nuts, hummus, and stuff to make a grilled chicken burrito. I made a simple creamy pesto pasta, because as Stanley Tucci says, there’s room for pasta at every meal.

After that, all that was left to do was wake the kids. In an effort to make it feel like a real restaurant, at PJ’s suggestion, we dressed in black from head to toe, grabbed a few of our cloth napkins and draped them over our arms, and woke them up by requesting their presence in the kitchen. 

They were ecstatic. They had so much fun grabbing whatever they wanted (truly no rules!) and piling it onto their plate. We ate dinner in the living room and watched the new Cheaper by the Dozen movie. And it was so nice. They were happy, we were happy, and everything was great.

PJ has been really good lately about loosening up with the kids and creating more spontaneous, fun events for them. I could stand to learn a thing or two about how to “let go” and let things be. I get into a routine and I sometimes forget to switch things up every now and then and just have fun. 

Feeling extra grateful for PJ and his wacky, fun, inspiring ideas, and feeling thankful we get to experience them together as a family.

Style Inspiration From Our 5 Year Old

Lately, when Riah, 5, gets dressed for school in the mornings, he does one thing every time that cracks us up.

He rolls the bottoms of his jeans up! I have no idea where he learned this from (a friend at school? a TV show?) but we think it’s the cutest thing ever. He does it every single time without fail and has never explained it one way or the other. I can’t say when he started doing it, but I started noticing it about a month ago and suddenly I’m obsessed.

Yes, this is me currently taking style notes from our 5 year old son. These things can’t be taught. When you know, you know!!!

Anna Behind the Camera

We don’t ever let the kids have our phones, and they’ve learned not to even ask. But every once in a while, Anna will grab my phone and just start taking pictures or recording video (as evident in our last vlog), and yesterday she produced these gems of me playing and dancing with the kids.

Please notice the progression of me just thinking she’s holding my phone to then realizing she’s actually wildly snapping away. The storyline! The angles! She’s a natural.

Happy Tuesday!

The Problem with Independence...

…is that sometimes, you end up with pizza that’s been burnt to a crisp because it was left in the microwave for too long. Still, now Anna has learned that pizza only requires about 30 seconds of reheating, not 3 minutes. So maybe “problem” isn’t the right word. Side effect? Result of?

Reminding myself on this beautiful Monday: Every situation is an opportunity!!

A Magical Night on the Back Porch

We love our house in town. We’ve called it home for the last five years and it’s the house I grew up in, the house we brought our children home to, and where we became a family. So it’s special and sentimental all at the same time. One thing about it though:

It’s short on outdoor space. It’s right in the middle of town and in between a bunch of old houses, which has a certain charm to it, but because of that, we don’t have much of a yard or a place for the kids to run around (another reason we’ve been spending so much more time at the farm recently). But, we’ve learned to make do with what we have and try to use every inch of our space there.

PJ got the boys a basketball goal for Christmas and now that we’ve had a little bit of warmer weather the last few days, he finally put it together on the back porch and they’ve been playing on it nonstop. I find it so cute that they love it so much, especially Allan, who comes straight home from school and runs to the back porch to shoot a few hoops.

Last night, as I was making dinner and PJ was down in the yard with Anna tending to our sheep (watch next week’s vlog to see why we brought one of our sheep home!), the boys were playing basketball on the back porch and having a blast. We had the back doors open and there was a nice breeze passing through the house. Bossa Nova music was playing as we were both sipping wine.

It was one of those perfect moments in time that happens every now and then where I wish I could freeze time and play it over and over. Thank goodness for technology, right?

Then, when dinner was ready, Allan asked if we could eat outside since it felt so good. I told him he could if he wanted, and he immediately ran to the kitchen and grabbed the bottle of lemon cleaning spray, a rag, and ran back outside to wipe down the table. He then picked up a plant from the living room and asked if he could bring it outside. I had the biggest smile on my face as I told him “sure” because that’s absolutely something PJ or I would do to dress up the outdoor table and make the entire experience a little more special.

Allan put the plant in the middle of the table and brought his food out as the sun was starting to get lower and lower. What he said next surprised me and made me laugh:

“Okay you can eat inside with your husband, and I will eat outside with Riah and Anna. Sound good?”

From the mouths of babes I tell you!!! What a cutie little stinker. So the three of them ate at the table that Allan set on the back porch while we stood beside them and just watched. They were laughing and talking and just having a good time. Now that everyone can talk, it’s fun to listen in on their very real conversations.

I love that they’re getting older and more independent and coming up with their own ideas on things to do and make. It’s both a challenging (so many mistakes, so many messes, so many frustrating situations) and beautiful (so fun to see them stretch their creativity, so rewarding to watch them think for themselves, so wonderful to witness them problem-solve) time in their lives and I know I speak for both of us when I say we’re both so grateful to call them ours.