How to Stay in Love During Quarantine
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Because things are getting real, y’all.
We checked our PO Box last week and received a sweet letter from Robert that made our day. But included with the letter was also a ripped out page from TIME Magazine with a short article written by an editor-at-large at TIME Belinda Luscombe (with advice from 3 sets of relationship expert) called “How to Stay in Love During Quarantine”. Okay, Robert was obviously sending us a message and now he had our full attention.
We read the article from top to bottom (we tracked down the online version here) and found it so fascinating, with lots of insightful suggestions. With all of us confined to our homes for the foreseeable future, tensions are bound to get high and boundaries are going to be broken. No matter how big or small your house is, when you are restricted to staying in for most of the day, it becomes a mental thing, and (for us anyway) you can start to feel trapped, and you start to get defensive, cranky, and maybe even lose your patience. Sound familiar? #guilty.
When you’re playing partner, parent, teacher, cook, cleaner, and whoknowswhatelse, it becomes a lot to handle, which is why we’re so grateful for helpful articles like these to give us some guidance during stressful times. Here are some of the main tips Belinda shared:
Go easy on the criticism. “The right time to point out mistakes is almost never, but mid-crisis is egregious” she says. “It’s really important for people to look for what partners are doing right and express appreciation for it…thank them for making coffee, even if it’s for the 500th time,” says one of the experts.
Ask before getting upset. “With all of the new responsibilities brought on by the coronavirus, it may feel like your spouse is not doing enough, but it’s more likely that they’re just distracted or have worries you can’t see” says Belinda. “High stress always brings out people’s relational coping skills, or lack of them” explains one of the experts.
Alone time is key. “If possible, build some time alone into the schedule, even it it’s only for half an hour a day…and no, escaping into screens side by side doesn’t count. You need to not be able to see or hear each other.” Amen, Belinda.
Postpone your insignificant fights. “If a seemingly insignificant fight is suddenly getting out of hand, the Gottmans recommend postponing it for at least half an hour but not longer than 24 hours…spouses can work on a resolution only after they can state each other’s opinion to the satisfaction of the other person,” says Belinda. “Ninety-five percent of it is about understanding your partner’s point of view,” one of the experts says.
Your partner is not a mind reader. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want and explain your needs. “‘I would love it if you could plan dinner every second night’ is vastly preferable to ‘You have to help around the house more.’ So much is going on that nobody is going to notice everything that every person needs or desires. So ask nicely.” explains Belinda.
Weren’t those great? We’d be lying if we said we haven’t needed to put some of them to use over the last few months, and feel optimistic about implementing them going forward. Hope y’all are making it, and we can’t thank you enough for sending the article, Robert!!
